Riding the Rails

Got a call from that national representative of Information Technology. Apparently California is the place you gotta be. Our presence has been requested again for Thanksgiving this year. I’ve got a load of vacation time, as does my gal, so we’re gonna enjoy some fair weather for Turkey day. It’s becoming a bit of a tradition.

Him: So. This is what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna take a few extra days, and you and your lady are going to spend a little bit of money, and book a sleeper car on a train to come out here. You’re looking for the Southwest Chief on Amtrak, then you’re gonna fly home, and I’m gonna hook you guys up, OK?
Me: I’m game. I’ll hop on it. It’s a plan. No need to sell a salesman.
Him: Good.
Me: You excited about work on Monday?
Him: I am so excited. I still haven’t met a lot of the team, but man, we’re big. CyberDefender has a ton of affiliate or have branded a lot of other well known products that are designed to increase performance and all that jazz – I’m going to be a very busy boy. I’m just excited to lend support to computers.
Me: Isn’t that what you’ve always done?
Him: Yeah, but I mean quantitative  results for regular people, not an office full of people providing goods and services.
Me: But won’t you still be doing that?
Him: Holy crap, Landon!? Yes. Grand scheme, bro. Big picture.
Me: Understood.
Him: Speaking of big picture – I saw the biggest pair of fake ha has I have EVER seen at the beach today…

Border Hopping

The following is a textersation from yesterday:

:Lando!
:Dude. Where is ya?
:Golden State. stopped to skinny dip in the colorado riv. at border. already stamping the gr8 st8.
:How far to L.A.?
:Prob 3 hours. Shouldnt hit traffic. So stoked.
:I bet.
:Stopped at McDonalds. Saw 3 desert rednecks and one botched cos surgery.
:Nice. How is (your wife)?
:Got nabbed by CHP for talking on phone while driving.
:U R kidding.
:Nope. Shes pissed. But it’s a good omen – tough stuff out of way 1st. Speaking of. I’m gassed up. Better hit the road again. Dont text n drive!
:Give me a call 2nite.
:K. It’s over 100 degrees before noon. Geez. L8R.

The Farewell

A bittersweet day for me.

Him: I wanna go ahead and get you set up on this computer. I got the go ahead. I think they’re trying to do everything possible to avoid giving you a raise, so I didn’t have to do much convincing.
Me: I really appreciate it.
Him: You bet. It allows me to spend the bulk of my final day working with you, so…I’ll even transfer all your stuff over.
Me: Sweet.
Him: How do you think IT Fella is doing?
Me: He’s doing fine. He definitely knows his stuff, he’s just kind of…funny. Not funny ha-ha, but funny weird. I don’t see much developing in that area.
Him: Yeah, just don’t take any sh*t from him. Seriously. Hey. I had an idea. If I may reveal my occasional narcissism.
Me: It’s what I live for.
Him: Ha. So. I’m sure I’ll have some near unbelievable adventures and stories from California…
Me: Yeah.
Him: Are you picking up what I’m laying down?
Me: Am I? ……..I am. I am.
Him: CyberDefender is a bigger pond, but I’m really talking about the OCEAN that IS L.A.  You know? All the kids with the pumped up kicks.
Me: And lips…
Him: Exactly.
Me: When are you guys taking off?
Him: We’re starting our two car caravan right after I leave here. Gonna swing by The Lou, crash with the fams, have some breakfast then drive until we can’t drive anymore tomorrow. I’m honestly hoping to make it to Amarillo. A little feast at The Big Texan restaurant. I’m gonna try to eat that 72 oz. steak …maybe we’ll push a bit further. Maybe not. Then that’ll give us time to really take our time through New Mexico and Arizona…swing by the Grand Canyon again if we get the hankering. Would like to pull in on Tuesday. The truck is scheduled to be there on Wednesday.

—-4:00 p.m.—-

Him: I’m gonna cut out, Lando. I love you, brother.
Me: Me too, man. I hope to work with you again in the future.
Him: You’re not gonna cry are you?
Me: Not right now…but do you mind if I start the slow clap?

He nodded. Turned. I started the slow clap. Everyone came and joined in.

Him: I love you all!

5 Days.

I haven’t offered weekend buzz in a minute.

In all honesty, I’ve been spending a lot of time in a foursome with IT, his wife, and my lady friend. It’s5 days until they pack up and head out. They are actually packed up already, and the truck is coming for their stuff on Tuesday. The end of an era.

Him: So. When you guys gonna come visit?
Me: You having second thoughts?
Him: No. Most definitely not. Just gonna miss you guys. Speaking of which, when you gonna make that honey limbed lovely your wife?
Me: That’s a nice reference. I dunno. I guess things are pretty good as-is-
Him: It gets better. Do trust. I don’t think marriage for everyone, but for you two…pull the trigger man.
Me: I appreciate the advice. So. What’s the first thing you’re gonna do when you get to L.A.?
Him: Set up the home office, then find the best burger joint in town. I’ve been to a few. I’ll probably start with In N Out. I know it’s not the “best,” but it’s a most wonderful, “Welcome to California” burger. (Wife) has never had In N Out.
Me: I would say the same.
Him: OK. Thanksgiving. Let’s make it happen. I’ve got so much to teach you, young Lando. So much…

OneUpsville

That kind of sounds like a Chicago suburb, does it not?

That is all where we’re living right now. Even the big boss men, all two of them, have gotten in on the act with the impending departure of IT Guy.

Big Boss 1: You’re in tight with (IT).
Me: I am.
Big Boss2: We wanna get him good – really good – just once before he leaves.
Me: OK.
Big Boss 1: What do we need to know.
Me: That by my being in here, I’m already hosed, and so are you. The fact that you’ve both called me in here while you’re together means something is up. There’s no way he’s thinking it is anything business related.
Big Boss 2: I’m out. Fill me in later – no emails or IMs.
Me: Now you’re thinking.
Big Boss 1: Is it possible?
Me: It is. But he’s always one step ahead.

Phone rings.

Big Boss 1: It’s him.
Me: Put him on speaker.
Big Boss 1: Hey (IT).
HIM: What are you guys talking about in there? I’m an excellent lip reader.
Big Boss 1: We’re discussing the raise we’re going to offer Landon when you’re officially off the payroll.
Him: Sounds good. He’s very deserving, and that’s long overdue. He’s such a great friend and employee. Very loyal. Well, I suppose I’ll hammer—-excuse me, speak with you both later. Hope your computers run well this afternoon.

Roasted Red, Man

The IT 4th of July extravaganza was absolutely incredible, unfortunately, on Monday mid-morning, I fell asleep in the sun and am paying for it dearly. To rewind the moment. IT saved me. It was early in the day, so during the sun’s most intense burn period.

Him: Landon! LAANNNDOOOOO!!! Hey!

I only vaguely remember this. I was on a raft in the lake. Dozing.

Me: Oh, God. What the–
Him: What are you doing!?
Me: I fell asleep! I’m on fire!
Him: Roll into the water and swim over here! We gotta mix you up some vinegar love.
Me: What?
Him: Trust me. It’ll save you! I gotta have you to judge the crazy dive competition this afternoon! The food is ready. How long have you been out here!?

By now I was reaching the shore.

Me: Since I left the pit.
Him: OK. You’re gonna smell gnarly, but it’ll be a nice complement with the BBQ.  This will take some of the burn out of the burn before it really starts to burn. I learned this remedy from an old codger down in Branson, after I got roasted at White Water. It wasn’t even a burn. It was just pure cancer.