Party Hosting

I figured that for all he’s offered to so many, in so many crazy ways, it was time to return the favor.

I was chatting with my lovely, and she suggested we throw an official wedding shower for IT and his lovely. They’re getting married in June and have finally locked down the date. This means that we have a significant amount of time to plan, so we’re going to start with an official engagement party to coincide with some playoff football action in a couple weeks…to be followed by bigger celebrations later in the year.

My girl is putting together a wedding shower for IT’s lady/her good friend, while I’ll be putting together a BATH for the dudes. BATH. Barbecue At The House. Clever, eh? This way the events occur at the same time, and there’s no crossover or awfulness and boredom between the division of the sexes.

A discussion from a couple weeks ago.

Me: We’re throwing you a series of parties beginning the last weekend of this month. An engagement party. Then (my girl) will shower (your girl) with all the ladies, and we’ll do a BATH.
Him: WTF is a bath?
Me: Barbecue At The House.
Him: I love where your head’s at. Love it.
Me: I don’t wanna mention anything else about it, but I need some contact information from you for any guys that you’d wanna invite from home – if you think they’d drive up.
Him: Yeah. I know I’ve got some family who are planning a bachelor party down there already, but I know they’d love to come up for a BATH. Bath…that’s hilarious, man. I’ve never heard that before. I’m gonna have to hug you now. It’s probably not necessary, but my heart is swelling.

The System is Down

We’re all sitting here due to electronic funk that has drastically slowed the function of our business. Oh no. We have plenty connection to the outside world. The Internet is fine. Dandy. Great. But our internal network is a mess. I’ve done about everything I can, so I’m just sitting and eating a banana in my double wide, hoping that everything will be up and rolling sometime after lunch.

IT Guy is running around like a headless chicken. If you have never seen a headless chicken, I highly recommend finding an example on YouTube. About every three minutes he goes from one end of the floor to the other, and then back to his office, swearing every step of the way. You can hear him coming like a passing car.

Him: I f***ing told them that this would eventually happen. If the cheap bas**rds would just listen to me, this wouldn’t be happening. And who are they pissed at…?

He trails off as he moves far into the distance. I stopped him about 45 minutes ago.

Me: Is there anything I can do to help?
Him: Um…

I’m still waiting for my answer. I really don’t know what the problem is–if it’s a computer virus, or just aging software that can’t keep up with the demands put on it. I’m sure I’ll get the low-down at some point later today.

Mad Men Monday

There was a handwritten note delivered to everyone’s desk this afternoon, alerting us all to the next Monday Morale exercise. We’re all supposed to roll in on Monday in Mad Men garb. Pictures were included in the mix for those who aren’t fans, or who have never seen the show. There’s no way you’re not familiar with it, so I’ll spare you the details, but I’m going to need to do a little thrift store shopping tonight or tomorrow.

I’m no Don Draper. I suppose I’m more a Pete Campbell. IT Guy is our Don Draper.

Him: I’m gonna look so good. Please participate in this…hair and everything.
Me: Oh, it’s a done deal. I already know what I’m shopping for. You know what you gotta do!? Fill an old Scotch bottle with tea. We can hit that all day. I’ll bring some nice glasses.
Him: I think you just inspired me. That is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard all week.

Monday Morale

As the day started, we were all called to the conference room for a quick meeting. Little did we know that our Supervisor and IT Guy had devised a little something that they wanted to call Monday Morale. Seriously, I thought we had become an even more absurd version of “The Office” with this suggestion. If only we sold paper.

IT and Supe explained that it was obvious everyone was aware of their inter-office drama, pre-holidays. They apologized, explained it off as a misunderstanding, and thought it would be fun for us to have some fun on Mondays due to the fact that everyone loathes to come in on Mondays. That’s pretty universal in our society.

Him: I’m going to be your weekly Monday Morale leader. There’ll be no excuses to miss our games and competitions, so don’t schedule meetings or conference calls for Monday mornings, OK? Here’s the deal. Anything goes. If you have a suggestion, and I hope everyone does, then you need to put it in this beautiful golden box that my fiancée made. I’m going to call it the suggestion box. Today we are going to begin with a scooter relay race, shuttle style, best 3 of 5, down the main hallway.
Random Girl: What about those of us in skirts and heels?
Him: I would ditch the heels, but no excuse for the skirt. Tennis players compete in skirts.

It was the most enjoyable Monday I can remember in quite some time.

Office Intrigue

There has been a very interesting vibe around here lately.

Everyone is back to work mode, but there’s an air of curiosity that is floating around the cubicles, offices and even in my double wide. There was an obvious and distinct awkwardness before we all left for the holidays. Now everyone wants to know why the problem has been fixed.

I was just outside a conversation with IT Guy and another employee here, who I don’t know very well while they were getting coffee.

Other: (Supervisor) was actually laughing at you yesterday…
Him: Are you leading the witness?
Other: I just know you guys were on the outs, and now it seems like–
Him: We’re just back on the same page. Simple misunderstanding. I was right, he was wrong.
Other: (Hearty forced laugh)
Him: I’m kidding! Seriously, though, I was way off, and it’s something that escalated that should have been cool from the get go. I speak to you in riddles and rhymes, because it’s the only polite way I can tell you to mind your own f***ing beeswax.
Other: (Hearty genuine laugh)
Him: Nothing to worry about. I would never leave you guys here. I’ll always be around to help you with your computer needs that you should be able to figure out on your own. I’ll always rid your computer of viruses from you looking at NSFW posts. I’ll live out my days in this office. Well. Until the dead birds start falling here – then we’re all screwed.

Legitimate IT Guy

The guy knows his stuff.

I usually sound off about the craziness of our office politics, and how the world’s most interesting IT Guy fits into that mix, but when we all returned back to work today from the recent holiday, various vacations, etc. IT Guy worked us through a powerpoint that had to do with computer fraud, identity theft and all things related to how dangerous the Internet has become to those who don’t know how to use it.

I’ve always known of viruses and how annoying they can be, but we had to sign off on understanding the dangers of spyware, and to avoid it on our work computers. We’re allowed incredible freedom here, I must say, for research, education digging and whatnot. As I’ve mentioned, we’re not very big, so no one really pushes their boundaries; however, when digging into his presentation today, he got a great laugh and a deeper understanding from everyone.

Him: If I were going to prepare you for a test, I could use a couple simple analogies. A virus is to a computer as the flu is to your body. Spyware is to a computer as an STD is to your body.

Educational and classically inappropriate. Seriously though, looking at numbers for criminal activity associated with the Internet, it looks as if it’s only going to get worse. Especially considering a growing knowledge base and continuously bleak economic forecast.