No Words…

Nothing went as planned. And it was the most amazing moment I have ever experienced with a community of others in my lifetime. So that’s what winning feels like?

I’m sick as a dog, but it didn’t hit me until Saturday afternoon. Pretty well pushed through by last night. I’m weak today, but trooping. At work. I’m dressed up as one-half of Daft Punk. You want details.

Game 6, Top of 9th.

Him: Man. We’ve got the right guys approaching the plate. I think we’re gonna make some noise.
Me: I have no idea how to feel. I’m a Cubs fan. This is completely unfamiliar to me.
Him: That Craig home run was huge. I don’t know if we could get three in the 9th, but I think we can get two!

Craziness ensues. Tie game.

Game 6, Top of 10th.

Him: Gotta hold. I don’t really like Motte throwing another inning. He’s just not built for it yet.
Me: He’s got the meat of the order, too.

Josh Hamilton home run.

Me: This feels all too familiar.
Him: Oh, brother… I think that may be too much to ask for. Damn it. I really wanted this one!
Me: Yeah. I just don’t see how they could do it twice.
Him: Let’s see what our lead off guys do in the bottom. I’m also curious to see if Washington plays no doubles, which will give us more of a shot.
Me: I didn’t think of that.

Craziness ensues…again. Tie game.

Cardinals hold.

David Freese.

IT Guy cried.

Game 7.

Him: This is gravy, man. Get ready to celebrate, then get my a** back to Chicago overnight!
Me: You think they’ve still got enough in them?
Him: I’d certify it.

Can’t imagine why I got sick. One for the ages. Got IT Guy on a plane and back to L.A. and CyberDefender so he could get off the plane and go straight back to work.

An Information Technology Discussion

When I say information technology, I do, of course, mean someone, as opposed to something. This discussion took place yesterday with one of my supervisors.

Supe: How are things, Landon?
Me: Um. Things are good. The Bears seem to suck again, so it looks like all is right in the world.
Supe: I can’t even watch the games. You know my wife is from Charlotte, so I think I’ve jumped on the Cam Newton bandwagon.
Me: I may ask for a visitors pass sometime soon.
Supe: Can I ask you a quick question?
Me: Of course.
Supe: How do you feel our new information technologist is handling the load?
Me: You’re asking the wrong, very biased individual this question.
Supe: That’s why I am asking you. Because I know you’ll be brutally honest if need be.
Me: I can’t argue that he knows is stuff. He’s just kind of an a** at times. I don’t mean to be harsh, but he has no sense of decorum.
Supe: OK. But you find his professional ability to be up to snuff?
Me: I do.  If I’m being complete fair and honest. I don’t think we could challenge his technological expertise, but socially? I mean IT (Guy) was an example of an enigmatic who gets social grace. I don’t think we’re dealing with that in (IT Fella).
Supe: Good to know. Speaking of which, how is (IT Guy) enjoying California?
Me: Kid in a candy store.
Supe: He sent me a fake OSCAR that said “Best Performance as a Boss”
Me: Like I said.

Is My IT Guy Working!?

There are certain things that offer inevitable frustrations within a professional environment. I always use sports analogies. It is what I understand. You lose a Hall of Famer, and a young, talented kid comes in, the team chemistry will still suffer. Our office space is borderline miserable for me. I know there are others who are suffering, too.

IT (Guy) used to offer free computer education to those who would kindly learn and listen. I sometimes wonder if the new IT (Fella) is even working. I seriously don’t know what’s going on in his workspace, but for some reason I imagine him drinking Dr. Pepper and eating chips, while playing online poker. I overheard this conversation earlier today.

Helpless Girl: I really don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. My search engine is all messed up. It used to search through Google, and now it’s some weird thing I’ve never even heard of.
Fella: What did you do to it?
Helpless: I didn’t do anything that I don’t normally do. I turned it on, started to use it and it was messed up.
Fella: Slide over.

A few seconds pass.

Fella: OK. You’re good.
Helpless: What happened?
Fella: I don’t know. You probably accidentally did something when downloading a program. I really don’t know without digging and wasting your time.
Helpless: So. What do I do if it happens again.
Fella: Just let me know. That’s my job.
Helpless: …ok…

I really have a feeling that in a few years, companies like this are going to start outsourcing our IT issues to specialized entities like the one the original IT Guy is now working for.

IT Shocker…Again

I know there have been other IT shockers.

Vegas was incredible. I now see why people need to get their regular fix after a first visit. While there, IT Guy and a friend of his who lives there and is a Blue Man, as in the Blue Man Group, took me to this old amazingly scuzzy and supremely sweet casino/restaurant far from the bright lights of the strip. While we were there we were talking baseball–they both from St. Louis–and well, the race is tight. But what we really discussed:

Blue Man: You knew Bartman, right?
Me: What!?
Him: I did. Small world, similar professions. And I didn’t know him intimately. But I knew who he was when the poo hit the fan.
Me: Oh my… How did I not know this?
Him: That he was a computer guy?
Me: No, man, c’mon…
Him: Yeah. Nothing more. We weren’t friends. I just met the guy once upon a time. Speaking of which, you need to watch that documentary, “Catching Hell” next week, and hang your head in shame.
Blue Man: I don’t know that there is anyone on earth who is living a more cruel fate.
Me: I never acted the fool toward the poor guy. I was far more pissed that we choked away game 7 like you guys did in the ’85 Series.
Him: Touche.
Blue Man: Don Denkinger.
Me: So, what was he like?
Him: Just what everyone says, the wrong guy for anyone to publicly humiliate and persecute for doing exactly what they would have done. It’s baseball. And for the record, you – as in your fanbase – are the reason the Cubs are cursed…but I don’t feel like preaching tonight.

Blew. My. Mind. I did check out the doc last night. It was pretty embarrassing. We need a cultural overhaul in Wrigleyville.

Vegas, Baby! Viva Las Vegas!

The thought of losing football has done a lot to me this late summer/fall. Just feeling more adventurous. Late in my work day yesterday (Friday) I get a call from my favorite CyberDefender employee. (Dare I say I wish I were working in Los Angeles? I dare. Digressing.)

Him: YO!
Me: What are you doing?
Him: I’m having lunch right now, but came across something that is leading me to a proposal.
Me: Oh, no.
Him: Bro. I’ve never misled you. It was your fault you didn’t wear sunscreen. And you looked good w/out an eyebrow.
Me: Fair enough. I’m still working, so, what do you want?
Him: You and (gal) need to come meet us in Vegas next weekend. Cut out on Friday and fly over. I’m sending you an email with a link to a ridiculous airfare deal. Or you can always Priceline if you don’t like my flavor.

What?

Me: I’ve never been to Vegas.
Him: Well, you won’t be able to say that after next weekend. Sportsbooks, poker, and those video machines that girls love to play.
Me: I love slots!
Him: Like I said…machines that girls love to play – Dude. This isn’t some Indian Casino on the Great Lakes or Mississippi River. This is VEGAS, BABY!
Me: OK. I’ll talk to her, and see what she thinks. If she doesn’t wanna roll, I may have to anyway.
Him: Now you’re talking like a man. But tell her to come. I don’t want no third wheel. OK. My FatBurger is ready. Check your email.

I guess we’re going to Vegas next weekend. What trouble could we get into?

A Gift From an Information Technologist

Last Friday I got a call from a friend who is well known on this blog as IT Guy. The IT Guy.

I wasn’t able to take the call, so when I received the voicemail, it simply said. “Make sure you’re around to accept an overnight, tomorrow.”

I had no idea what that meant. I thought it might be a little something from the Golden State, or a CyberDefender T-shirt or something if those even exist, but when the package arrived, it was covered in St. Louis Rams stickers, so my first thought was classic IT humor. I figured it was probably a Sam Bradford jersey or something like that.

I opened the box, not to find St. Louis anything, rather that Jay Culter “jacket” that IT Guy had made after Cutler’s epic collapse in last year’s playoffs. With it there was a handmade card that had a picture of Jay Cutler on the front, with the inside reading.

“Time heals all wounds…

…even those of a pansy QB…”

I don’t know if I’ll ever wear this thing, or if I’ll have it framed with the card.

The System is Down

We’re all sitting here due to electronic funk that has drastically slowed the function of our business. Oh no. We have plenty connection to the outside world. The Internet is fine. Dandy. Great. But our internal network is a mess. I’ve done about everything I can, so I’m just sitting and eating a banana in my double wide, hoping that everything will be up and rolling sometime after lunch.

IT Guy is running around like a headless chicken. If you have never seen a headless chicken, I highly recommend finding an example on YouTube. About every three minutes he goes from one end of the floor to the other, and then back to his office, swearing every step of the way. You can hear him coming like a passing car.

Him: I f***ing told them that this would eventually happen. If the cheap bas**rds would just listen to me, this wouldn’t be happening. And who are they pissed at…?

He trails off as he moves far into the distance. I stopped him about 45 minutes ago.

Me: Is there anything I can do to help?
Him: Um…

I’m still waiting for my answer. I really don’t know what the problem is–if it’s a computer virus, or just aging software that can’t keep up with the demands put on it. I’m sure I’ll get the low-down at some point later today.

Mad Men Monday

There was a handwritten note delivered to everyone’s desk this afternoon, alerting us all to the next Monday Morale exercise. We’re all supposed to roll in on Monday in Mad Men garb. Pictures were included in the mix for those who aren’t fans, or who have never seen the show. There’s no way you’re not familiar with it, so I’ll spare you the details, but I’m going to need to do a little thrift store shopping tonight or tomorrow.

I’m no Don Draper. I suppose I’m more a Pete Campbell. IT Guy is our Don Draper.

Him: I’m gonna look so good. Please participate in this…hair and everything.
Me: Oh, it’s a done deal. I already know what I’m shopping for. You know what you gotta do!? Fill an old Scotch bottle with tea. We can hit that all day. I’ll bring some nice glasses.
Him: I think you just inspired me. That is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard all week.

Monday Morale

As the day started, we were all called to the conference room for a quick meeting. Little did we know that our Supervisor and IT Guy had devised a little something that they wanted to call Monday Morale. Seriously, I thought we had become an even more absurd version of “The Office” with this suggestion. If only we sold paper.

IT and Supe explained that it was obvious everyone was aware of their inter-office drama, pre-holidays. They apologized, explained it off as a misunderstanding, and thought it would be fun for us to have some fun on Mondays due to the fact that everyone loathes to come in on Mondays. That’s pretty universal in our society.

Him: I’m going to be your weekly Monday Morale leader. There’ll be no excuses to miss our games and competitions, so don’t schedule meetings or conference calls for Monday mornings, OK? Here’s the deal. Anything goes. If you have a suggestion, and I hope everyone does, then you need to put it in this beautiful golden box that my fiancée made. I’m going to call it the suggestion box. Today we are going to begin with a scooter relay race, shuttle style, best 3 of 5, down the main hallway.
Random Girl: What about those of us in skirts and heels?
Him: I would ditch the heels, but no excuse for the skirt. Tennis players compete in skirts.

It was the most enjoyable Monday I can remember in quite some time.

Legitimate IT Guy

The guy knows his stuff.

I usually sound off about the craziness of our office politics, and how the world’s most interesting IT Guy fits into that mix, but when we all returned back to work today from the recent holiday, various vacations, etc. IT Guy worked us through a powerpoint that had to do with computer fraud, identity theft and all things related to how dangerous the Internet has become to those who don’t know how to use it.

I’ve always known of viruses and how annoying they can be, but we had to sign off on understanding the dangers of spyware, and to avoid it on our work computers. We’re allowed incredible freedom here, I must say, for research, education digging and whatnot. As I’ve mentioned, we’re not very big, so no one really pushes their boundaries; however, when digging into his presentation today, he got a great laugh and a deeper understanding from everyone.

Him: If I were going to prepare you for a test, I could use a couple simple analogies. A virus is to a computer as the flu is to your body. Spyware is to a computer as an STD is to your body.

Educational and classically inappropriate. Seriously though, looking at numbers for criminal activity associated with the Internet, it looks as if it’s only going to get worse. Especially considering a growing knowledge base and continuously bleak economic forecast.