Just when I think I really can’t stand IT Fella, he comes rolling through the office on a Friday in excellent spirits and apt to an odd task.
There was a fly. A singular fly. Perhaps on steroids. This thing was harassing everyone. In particular, IT Fella. He spent the better part of a fairly laid back day roaming through the office with various implements – a towel, a miniature baseball bat, paper, electronic fly swatter. This fly was invincible. As far as I know, he’s going to have the place all to himself to die in peace this weekend.
Fella: Where is that little bast*rd? I was doing a system restore, and then I looked down. He was crawling into my cappucino. Drinking it! Come on, man!? I shooed him away, and went back to work…then I pick up my beverage and he’s crawling down into the cup again! I had to switch cups.
I really wish I had a camera with me today. Nothing better than watching someone have spastic fits every few minutes, chasing around something that possesses a distinct battle advantage. I thought for sure that he would nail the sucker with the electric fly swatter, but that’s when the super-maggot went into hiding.
Fella: That little bast*rd is a WWII Ace.
When I say information technology, I do, of course, mean someone, as opposed to something. This discussion took place yesterday with one of my supervisors.
Supe: How are things, Landon?
Me: Um. Things are good. The Bears seem to suck again, so it looks like all is right in the world.
Supe: I can’t even watch the games. You know my wife is from Charlotte, so I think I’ve jumped on the Cam Newton bandwagon.
Me: I may ask for a visitors pass sometime soon.
Supe: Can I ask you a quick question?
Me: Of course.
Supe: How do you feel our new information technologist is handling the load?
Me: You’re asking the wrong, very biased individual this question.
Supe: That’s why I am asking you. Because I know you’ll be brutally honest if need be.
Me: I can’t argue that he knows is stuff. He’s just kind of an a** at times. I don’t mean to be harsh, but he has no sense of decorum.
Supe: OK. But you find his professional ability to be up to snuff?
Me: I do. If I’m being complete fair and honest. I don’t think we could challenge his technological expertise, but socially? I mean IT (Guy) was an example of an enigmatic who gets social grace. I don’t think we’re dealing with that in (IT Fella).
Supe: Good to know. Speaking of which, how is (IT Guy) enjoying California?
Me: Kid in a candy store.
Supe: He sent me a fake OSCAR that said “Best Performance as a Boss”
Me: Like I said.
There are certain things that offer inevitable frustrations within a professional environment. I always use sports analogies. It is what I understand. You lose a Hall of Famer, and a young, talented kid comes in, the team chemistry will still suffer. Our office space is borderline miserable for me. I know there are others who are suffering, too.
IT (Guy) used to offer free computer education to those who would kindly learn and listen. I sometimes wonder if the new IT (Fella) is even working. I seriously don’t know what’s going on in his workspace, but for some reason I imagine him drinking Dr. Pepper and eating chips, while playing online poker. I overheard this conversation earlier today.
Helpless Girl: I really don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. My search engine is all messed up. It used to search through Google, and now it’s some weird thing I’ve never even heard of.
Fella: What did you do to it?
Helpless: I didn’t do anything that I don’t normally do. I turned it on, started to use it and it was messed up.
Fella: Slide over.
A few seconds pass.
Fella: OK. You’re good.
Helpless: What happened?
Fella: I don’t know. You probably accidentally did something when downloading a program. I really don’t know without digging and wasting your time.
Helpless: So. What do I do if it happens again.
Fella: Just let me know. That’s my job.
I really have a feeling that in a few years, companies like this are going to start outsourcing our IT issues to specialized entities like the one the original IT Guy is now working for.
Yesterday, I had an interesting exchange with the artists currently known as IT Fella.
Fella: Landon. You play football?
Fella: Sure. Or just for fun. There’s a bunch of us getting together tonight to play some flag football tonight. We need a few more and I thought you might like to play.
Me: Actually…that sounds really fun.
Fella: Cool. I’ll count you in.
Me: What’s the level of play?
Fella: Do you need a certain standard for it to be worth your time?
Me: What? No. I just don’t want to look like an idiot. I guess I wanna know if I need to bring cleats and stuff.
Fella: Well, I wouldn’t wear what you have on now, if that’s what you’re asking.
Me: Really? The shirt and tie? No go on the football field?
Fella: Just bring what you’ve got. If you have cleats, I would wear them. We’re trying to get a competitive flag team together, so it’s kind of like a tryout.
Me: Oh. Well. I used to play when I was younger, so-
Fella: Then bring your A game if you want to get on a team.
Me: OK, man, I’ll bring my A game.
They sucked. Worst pick up game ever. There were too many guys there, and the level of play was below my standard. IT Fella was spiking the ball after every catch (which I believe was three or four), and every time I caught the ball I would take it to the house. I cannot imagine how bad their team will lose every game. I politely declined the invitation to play, and Fella’s face upon my “no thanks” was priceless. Maybe if I inadvertently insult him enough, he’ll just leave me alone. I get along with everyone, and I can’t get along with this guy.